Public Defenders Are Just Like Us, Only Better

I’ve never been a public defender, but I do defense work, so I like to introduce myself a a defense attorney, which I find gains me a lot of pats on the back, until the person finds out I mean civil defense. I really don’t think that’s fair…wait, I don’t have to deal with public defender clients, so yes, it is fair.

Anyway, so I’ve never done any public defending work, but through the work of the “What the Public Defender” tumbler, I think I’ve got a pretty  good sense of the job. If you haven’t checked it out yet, I recommend doing that immediately, no matter what type of law you practice. It’s hysterical. (Oh, and there is the flip side too: What the Prosecutor).

I do have a friend who is a federal public defender and she is remaining nameless for this post, but she has allowed me to steal her best facebook posts about her job. I just don’t even know how I would handle half this stuff!

Today’s lesson: when visiting your client in a rural AR prison do not be offended if the visitation sheet is titled “Hoe Squad Visit.” Apparently this description is linked to the client’s prison job and not a comment on his attorney.

QOTD: “I wasn’t really stalking her. I was just following her without her knowing.”

Judge: “Do you have a lawyer?”
Client: “Well, I had a lawyer in state court…now I just have her.” (Motioning to me)

Client informed me today that I am a “bad a** mother f’er.” Nicest thing anyone has said to me all week. Now to find a way to incorporate that into my business cards…

Career/life milestone: receive first arranged marriage proposal. Check!

Celebrating not getting shanked today.

QOTD: “That ol’ boy there…he’s been to the pen so many times he’s doing life on an installment plan.”

“I really love you baby. P.S. can you send me my docket sheet?” The classic eloquence of prison love never gets old.

I’m 2-0 for marriage proposals from a drunk homeless man outside circuit court. He seemed much less drunk today but still equally enthusiastic about our future together! #planB

Me: any other questions or things we need to talk about? (In retrospect way too broad of a question)
Client: um yeah. I don’t mean no disrespect, really i don’t, but do you think you could wear those same black heels to my sentencing?
Me: umm maybe, why? (Another stupid question)
Client: i just think if you do we’ll be straight.
Me: huh?
Client: I mean cause ain’t nobody gonna say no to you if you’re wearin’ those shoes.

statement by another attorney’s client during plea (for possession with intent to deliver): “I didn’t deliver nothin’… they came to my house to pick it up.” Precision is key I suppose.

Keep on, keepin’ on you fabulous public defenders!


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