I saw a really funny post about a grad school Barbie. I hate that the source is anonymous, because funny stuff deserves to be credited! I have adapted grad school Barbie to become Law School Barbie:
Law School Barbie comes in two forms: Delusional Juris Doctor Barbie (TM) and LLM Masochist Barbie (TM).
Every Law School Barbie comes with these fun-filled features guaranteed to delight and entertain for hours: Law School Barbie comes out of the box with a big grin on her face that turns into a frown after 2 days or her first 1L Prof meeting (whichever comes first). She also has adorable black circles under her delightfully bloodshot eyes.
Comes with two outfits: a grubby pair of blue jeans and 5-year-old gap T-shirt, and a floppy pair of gray sweatpants with a matching “I hate my life” T-shirt. Law School Barbie talks! Just press the button on her left hand and hear her say such upbeat law school phrases like, “Yes, but I still don’t know which one is the Plaintiff”, “Which one is springing and which one is shifting?” and “Why didn’t I just get a job, I could have been making $40,000 a year by now if I had just started working with a Bachelor’s. But noooooo, I chose to further my education, I wish somebody would drop a bomb on the school so that I’d have an excuse to stop working on my degree that’s sucking every last drop of life force out of my withered and degraded excuse for a soul…” (9V lithium batteries sold separately)
Law School Barbie is anatomically correct to teach kids about the exciting changes that come with pursuing a higher education. Removable panels on Barbie’s head and torso allow you to watch as her cerebellum fries to a crispy brown, her heart race 150 beats per minute, and her stomach lining gradually dissolve into nothing. Deluxe Barbie comes with specially designed eye ducts. Just add a little water, and watch Law School Barbie burst into tears at random intervals. Fun for the whole family!
Other accessories include:
Law School Barbie’s Fun Fridge (TM) Well stocked with Starbucks shots, Monster Energy Drinks, Raman noodles, and a small bottle of Mattel Brand Rum ™.
Law School Barbie’s Medicine Cabinet comes in Fabulous (pepto-bismal) pink and contains Barbie sized bottles of Advil, St. Johns Wort, Zantac, Adderrall, and Klonipin! (Barbie Medicine Cabinet not available without a prescription).
Law School Barbie’s Computer Workstation comes with a laptop that will fail just in time for finals (in pink of course), rickety desk, and over a dozen miniature Red Bull cans to decorate her workstation. ( Snarky Tech support guy sold separately).
And Law School Barbie is not alone! Order now and you’ll get two of Barbie’s great friends! 1L PROFESSOR KEN, Barbie’s mentor and advisor in her quest for knowledge, higher education and decreased self-esteem.
1L Professor Ken ™ comes with a supply of red pens and a permanent frown. Press the button to hear 1L Professor Ken deliver such wisdom to Barbie as “This is wrong. Like, not a little bit wrong, really, really wrong,” “Just because you made it into law school doesn’t mean you are cut out to be a lawyer”, and “This is just the beginning. It doesn’t get better.”
Buy 3 or more dolls, and you can have Barbie’s Study Group! (Extra medicine sold separately.)
REAL JOB SKIPPER, When Barbie needs to talk, she knows that she can always count on her good friend Real Job Skipper ™, who got a job after getting her bachelor degree. Press the button to hear Real Job Skipper say, “Sometimes I wish I went for my masters degree” and “Work is so hard! I had to work a half an hour of overtime!” Real Job Skipper’s Work Wardrobe and Savings account sold separately.
WARNING: Do not place Law Student Barbie and Real Job Skipper too close to each other, as there have been several cases of children leaving the room and coming back to find Barbie’s hands mysteriously fused to Skipper’s throat.