Fleece Vest Unzips to Tell Shocking Tale of Neglect
Tom Cotton’s Columbia fleece vest has broken ranks with the Arkansas representative and agreed to this exclusive interview. When pressed for reason behind the vest’s sudden defection, the vest admitted, “I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like a phony. He ignores me until he needs to convince a crowd that he’s just a ‘regular guy’ and just expects me to turn on the charm. And his red tie is always taunting me!”
No word from the rest of Cotton’s wardrobe, but sources say Cotton’s plaid shirt and blue jeans have been spreading similar tales behind closed doors.
Let’s examine the evidence: