US Caught Off Guard by Canadians Throwing Major Shade at Spam on Canada Day

Canadians are spam haterz.

Canada: I’ma change your life, I’ma change it.

USA: I don’t think so.

Canada: No for real, we’re implementing an anti-spam law tomorrow that’s going to help you guys ooot too, eh!*

USA: Hell yeah! God Save the Queen or something!**

[HIGH FIVE]

bros

USA: USA! USA! USA!

Canada: Typical.

USA: Take back Beiber and we will stop taking credit for at least 50% of the things you do.

Canada: No dice. We don’t really care that much.

And scene.

*No, I’m not appropriating Canadian or US culture. I’m a dual citizen, so I get to talk smack about all the Americas north of Mexico, thank you very much.

**I have an embarrassing story about Canada Day: I went to college in Canada for a year. I found myself dating a city director on Canada Day and somehow ended up on the stage in front of an entire town trying to sing “Oh Canada!” but, having spent most of my life in Europe and the U.S. (I’ve lived in Canada a total of 3 years), I didn’t know the words. I resorted to the old “watermelon cantaloupe” trick that was probably very unconvincing. I learned the words to Oh Canada! immediately after that and promptly forgot them upon returning to the U.S.

Back on point. 

So, tomorrow Canada has a really tough new anti-spam law going into effect (C-28; Fighting Internet and Wireless Spam Bill). As the U.S. is want to do, we haven’t really paid a lot of attention to Canadian laws, so we are little unprepared. The good news is that your gmail spam folder may no longer have 10,000+ emails every six months.

Holla.

Under the new measure, which is commonly referred to as Canada’s Anti-Spam Legislation, or CASL, companies that send commercial electronic messages to or from a computer located in the country will be bound to a set of stringent notice and consent requirements that generally prohibit the transmission of a wide range of electronic communications, unless a user has expressly agreed to receiving the message. If they fail to comply, they can be hit with regulatory fines of up to $10,000 per violation.

Per violation. Although, they will be apologetic about enforcing it.

Can you imagine what kind of fees CanadianPharmacies4U would rack up if this were in place now? This could easily bankrupt companies that violate it. Despite the law’s expansive reach and substantial risks, attorneys say that many U.S. companies and some Canadian companies are either unaware of or just now scrambling to comply before tomorrow.  If I were giving them advice, it would be to just not send any spam. At all, for like a really long time, until we really figure it all out. Which will be never. I think this is soooond advice, eh?.

The effect of the legislation will be felt well beyond Canada, given that a range of companies that have clients or operations in Canada are likely to be sending communications that fall within the statute’s broad definition of covered messages, which is crafted to encompass any type of encouragement of commercial activity, whether it is explicit or only hinted at, eh?

Impromptu Review of a Teevee Show I Watched Last Night

Also, speaking of things that remind me of Canada, Mapletown is the name of the town on The Leftovers, or something like that, which I watched last night. It’s also the name of a TV show that I watched as a kid that involved anthropomorphic woodland creatures. The show has a really good soundtrack on that show, some Amon Tobin with a good drop at the beginning and really haunting music throughout the entire show. It also has a super freaky Heaven’s Gate like cult and some messed up stuff going on with the teenagers. Obviously, my film as literature class is paying off here…so…

In honor of Canada Day, which is tomorrow, I will continue my tradition of leaving a bottle of Maple syrup on my doorstep so that Celine Dion doesn’t come down my chimney and serenade me.

tl; dr 

Canada is fixing a lot of our email spam problems.  We’re like:

cat shaq

Yes, I will find a way to use this gif every chance I can.

Also, here are the lyrics to Canada Day, in case you feel compelled to learn them. In English et en Francais.

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Ô Canada!
Terre de nos aïeux,
Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!
Car ton bras sait porter l’épée,
Il sait porter la croix!
Ton histoire est une épopée
Des plus brillants exploits.
Et ta valeur, de foi trempée,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.

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