Today in Juggalaw: Trial by Fire…and Knife!

Two roommates who are “strongly suspected of being juggalos” (in my imagination, this suspicion is due to copious amounts of black and white greasepaint found in their dirty shared bathroom, which is conveniently littered with 4loko cans and a rainbow latch-hooked toilet seat cover) stand accused of attempting to cut a tattoo off of a third roommate, 31 year old Zachary Swanson (known as a “roomalo” in juggalo parlance). When that didn’t work (knifing, how does that work?) they decided to handle the situation like an Internet meme: “kill it with fire!” Because that’s not crazy at all. The victim remains in critical condition at a burn center in Baltimore, the Wicomico County (Maryland) Sheriff’s Office said.

According to the Baltimore Sun, the suspects tried to forcibly remove an ICP tattoo from Swanson’s arm, police said. After failing to remove the tattoo, the suspects set fire to the victim’s arm, police said. The victim was left on the ground for several hours and suffered severe burns, police said, before he was driven to a medical center.

Both suspects have been charged with first and second degree attempted murder, first and second degree assault, reckless endangerment and a deadly weapon charge.

No word yet on what caused the roomalos to believe